6. Chapped lips, and first day jitters.

September 16, 2009
10:25pm

My lips have been chapped for over 2 days now. Severely chapped. Like, I should see a doctor about them or something. I have never experienced this before. My hands are chapped too. In fact, my whole body is dehydrated and in serious need of some TLC- and I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm certain this "all-over chapping" is the direct result of the intensely overworking water furnace I now share a bedroom with. It seems to be on every second of every day, and my room is always hot- no matter how cold it is outside. Noisy and hot= my bedroom. Noisy, because the traffic is speeding by my window (Roger and Tom have the same problem) at all hours of the night, as I believe Walnut Tree Close is the main road into town. It sounds like I am complaining. I am not. I've managed to sleep quite well with my window open- which cools my room- despite the traffic noise, and both are v. v. small prices to pay for being in such an unbelievable apartement- location, design, patio, roommates... virtually perfect in every other way! I am, however, quite miffed about my chapped lips (which are always so smooth and silky soft) and no amount of chapstick or lip gloss in the world seems to fix them! HELP!!!*

Tomorrow is orientation. It's all begining now. Soon I'll have no more time to frolick away my days in the English countryside or at the castle ruins. I'll have little time to even write. I'm so apprehensive about the start of all of this. It's been so long since I've been in school, and I've never have formal technique training... I imagine it's going to take my mind and body some getting used to the demands of the program- dance classes, stage combat, enormous amounts of material to memorize, research to be done... digging into myself and discovering what makes me feel emotional extremes. This scares me the most. I don't know if I know myself well enough to even have answers to these questions, let alone to draw upon my inner most thoughts and feelings and use them in my art! My art! Wow.

I expect I'll be a little behind my 8 fellow classmates (there are only 9 of us, MA Actors. *grin*) who have complete their undergrads and have had years of technique training. I'll also be dealing with dialect and culture barriers, and I'll be proud of myself if I don't spend the entire first week struggling to understand what people are saying or why something is funny. And, I must mention, I am the ONLY American in my program- so I'm unable to even share my struggle!

I am (for the most part) at peace with all of this. My goals are not to be the best or to outshine anyone else. If I can keep remembering that my goals are to learn, to grow, to leave a better actress than I presently am and to earn my degree, I will be just fine. This will not change the fact that when faced with learning and perfecting THREE English dialects (Northern, London, Queen's English), I may become very frustrated very quickly with the confusion they may bring!

This morning, I spent some time examining my specific goals for my year in the program. It comes down to three things.

1. I want to increase my ability to convincingly convey truth- the truth in a moment and the truth of my emotional experience and response.

2. I want increased vulnerability in my personal life and my work.

3. I want to work on my speech- and learn to turn my "perfect diction" (I hate it so much) on and off, for whichever will best serve me and a particular role.

So there you go. I've just put what I want out into the universe, and I am expecting to be heard!

I walked over to the University to locate The School of Management Building where we all meet at 9am tomorrow. It's easy to get to from my place and shoud take about 15 mins. I will be allowing a half hour, since I am notoriously late for everything (a trait I don't like and am working hard to change in myself).

From here, I walked back along the river- with sliced apples wrapped in tin foil tucked away in my bag and high hopes of seeing my horses again. I stopped at St. Catherine's church to have lunch (ham sandwhich with cheese and dijon on whole grain bread and a gala apple) on top of the hill. It was SO BEAUTIFUL up there today! The blue sky, puffy clouds, bright sun- they were all at their lovliest- and I couldn't resist singing at the top. I wanted to run and dance, but this I did not do. As I was eating, the wind picked up and got severe fast, ending my blistful moment and foiling my plan to read some Eat Pray Love after my lunch.

I continued my walk along the river, enjoying the names on the boats as I passed by. I saw a young couple in a rowboat, with a gaggle of ducks boldly following behind them- quacking demandingly and no doubt expecting to be fed.

When I came to the little meadow where the horses are, I was dismayed to see them so far into the center of the field and completely out of reach (and sight of my apples offering!). I considered hopping the fence and walking to them, but common sense did her job and I decided, rather, to sit and read. I climbed a little hill to where a stone, circular structure was standing on top, and before planting myself down on a nearby tree stump, I read,

"This World War II pill box was one of over 5,000 built in the early 1940s. .... This was the last number of defence lines protecting the capital and key industrial areas. ...... Pill box positions took advantage of natural and man-made obsticles such as rivers, canals and embankments and housed machine guns and anti-tank weapons"

NEATO! My imagination begain to run wild with this new information and little hideaway I'd just discovered. I imagined being a young girl in love with a handsome soldier who was stationed at a pill box like this one- always worried sick about him never returning. Ok. I am a nerd. It's true. I admit it freely. But I'm fairly certain that- if faced with as much historical sites as I've explored this week- you all would be a little nerdy as well. *wink* It's outrageous.

While reading, I met an older woman and her little terrier called Tess. Mary (that was this woman's name) was very kind and spoke to me a long time about Guildford, GSA, America and "Open London"- giving me all sorts of ideas of what to see it Lieke, Josefina and I decide to go this weekend afterall. The Parliment building will be open for viewing, which is so neat... maybe we will do up afterall? I took a picture will Tess, who had happily been enjoying my pets the whole while Mary and I were speaking, and said goodbye. It was a disappointment to not see the horses, but meeting Mary and Tess made up for it a little.

The only other noteworthy point of my day (and then I really must get myself ready for tomorrow!!!) is the dinner I made myself. Not much of a cook (although I LOVE to try!), tonight I baked fish for the first time! I've never baked anything before(except no pudge brownies- which requires v little skill). Not only was it successful, but it was incredibly delicious! I put my salmon in foil with lots of frsh lemon, fresh dill and a little back pepper, grilled up some peppers and about 45mins later had a perfect meal. Noteworthy, indeed.

Now, dear readers, I must tear myself away from this computer, gather my things for tomorrow and get a good night's sleep! Wish me luck!

With Love,
Juliana


*** a mini humidifier has been suggested to me, but there just seems to be no room for another source of heat in my little dollhouse room! Again... if I'm desperate...