11. Content.

September 25, 2009
12:51am

I'm very happy. Today was a really great day. I ran into Charlotte in town (after my post office run to mail a letter to my dad and a bday card to my nephew, Christian!) at WH Smiths- which is a store hard to describe because it seems like a fancy office supply but they carry so many other things too- as we were both looking for folders/ organizers for our classes and paperwork. We settled on the same pink accordian file (but a really sturdy, nice one) that we can slip our journals and individual notebooks into, and we got a pad of writing paper as well. I also bought a chocolate bar Charlotte reccommended to me, and I've decided that once a week, I will taste a new kind of English chocolate. It is FAR superior to American chocolate. Hersheys is inedible. Period.

I read some of Uncle Vanya because, already, I'm swamped with assignments for school:
- memorize a sonnet (116, of course)
- memorize Shakespeare monologue
- read Uncle Vanya (by Friday)
- personal private moment with objective and 3 activities (which is due Thursday- I volunteered to go first. I'm out of my mind)
- book called "Arguements for the Theatre" by Harold Barker, to be read within 2 weeks.

EEK!!!!!!!!!

I am enjoying Uncle Vanya immensely, yet I worry about the women constantly bursting into tears- with not much of a "wind up" into that emotional state. I wonder how succesful I would be at playing one of these women at this time in my life and journey vs how well I will hopefully be playing them towards the end of my year here.

This afternoon I had my "assessment" with Terrie and Martin. It was wonderful! I was a little nervous, but everyone kept coming out and saying they were so supportive and wonderful... And it's true! They didnt tell me anything about what they think I should work on this year or how I fell short in any way during our workshops this week. Instead, they were warm and welcoming and genuinely interested in how I'm doing, so far away from home and in this new program. They laughed at my confession that the grocery store (bagging your own, paying for these bags) causes me much stress. They asked me what credits I have on my resume, and Martin was extremely impressed with Millie. He mentioned how he realizes Broadway is much more "fierce" and competive than even the West End. (a side note about Millie. The more I think about that experience, the more I LONG to have another like it- 8 shows/wk. for a year at a time! It was a v. v. special experience and privilege to be in that show- at such a profesional level and with such an important role- and I regret not treasuring it or valuing it more than I did at the time. I would value it so so so much more now. I will be ready and aware next opportunity I get). Terrie told me my sheet (they had us fill out questionaires about being in the MA program, our primary goals and what we precieve as our strengths and weaknesses) had very honest answers on it- with a lot of thought put into them- and how much they appreciate my honesty. She also told me she is confident that this program- if I follow it whole-heartedly for the year- is going to provide the means for me to accomplish those goals. She really believes it works. And I really believe her.

She urged me to talk to her ANYtime I feel homesick or like the cultural difference is so huge it's overwhelming me or inhibiting my work. She told me she understands I'm far from "home" and wants me to come to her with anything I need at any time.

It was a very lovely meeting. I got a real sense of genuine love and caring for their students from both Terrie and Martin. I think I gained some respect in my answers to their questions. I felt proud of myself for the small victory of telling the truth on my form- and for Terrie's recognition of it. A truth about my fears and weaknesses and strengths...things which are sometimes concealed to impress those I work with or who have prof. relationships with me. Our talk ultimately made me feel more ready than ever to begin diving into my "transformation" and journey.

My friend Kelly, another MA Acting major, met me after my assessment and we came back "to mine" (as the English say, "to mine" or "to yours") and we had some chocolate and champagne and music while we got ready for our Friends of GSA event. It was really great spending time with Kelly one on one. I like her a lot, and I learned a lot more about her too. Charlotte and Tegan ended up joining us, and the 4 of us soon left for dinner at Wagamama before heading to the Guild Hall. A word about Wagamama. Wagamama is an English chain which serves fairly affordable food (huge portions and relatively inexpensive... also free green tea!) and it's delicious! It's actually one of the places my agent Harry reccommended to me for my year here, and tonight was my first time having it. I loved it. Sadly, I will NOT Be eating here (or anywhere else) frequently, as I need to save every penny I can to survive this year. I've even started picking up pennys on the street!

The friends of GSA event was nice. We had unlimited free wine- and the red was very good. There was food (shoot! we should have just eate THERE!) and  tons of patrons of GSA who were lovely people with generous, helpful spirits. The man in charge, who I intend on keeping in touch with, is an actor and director as well. He had lunch with people at The Really Useful Group (Andrew L. Webber's company) today, and he mentioned how the next project for reality tv/ casting here in England is The Wizard of OZ- a search for Dorothy. MY HEART MAY HAVE ACTUALLY STOPPED BEATING. They are also searching for Toto. To play Dorothy in the West End production would be one of the more fullfilling and deeply satisfying, special moments of my life. I LOVE that role! I LOVE that show! I love Toto! And I'm firly certain I could book this part. I must get in touch with Jan at the Really Useful group, ASAP and find out more details. (I know what you are all thinking, btw. You don't want me staying here any longer than this year, right? Well no need to panic right away- it's quite a long shot from many angles, and I will not be lost to England forever. Afterall- "There's no place like home" *wink/ grin*

At the Friends of GSA event, I was also blessed enough to meet a wonderful wonderful man (who will be my teacher in 2 diff. classes), Ian Ricketts. Ian Ricketts, I've known about since before I even auditioned for GSA- as Michael Klesic (former GSA MA) sang his praises to me when I first heard of the school. Ian is old. He resembles Yoda is every way. He is also apparently life- changing. And he is one of the warmest, most wise and giving people I've ever met. He is FULL of JOY, and he gives 100% of his joy and wisdom and love of life to every person he meets and speaks with. I told him what an honor it was to meet him and how I can't wait to take his classes (and his nature walk- which will have to wait for another blog in itself!), and he told me it was an honor for him to meet me!!! He is one of those people who truly make the world a much better place and who contribute to it in large ways. I am feeling lucky to be one of his students and a student blessed enough to have crossed paths with him in this world. We spoke a bit, and he touched my arm the whole time. He told me Michael is "a highly intelligent young man and truly humble" and asked that I send him his "sincerest, well wishes and warm hello". I will pass that along. :)

After the GSA friends event, I went out with my classmates to a place refered to as "Spoons" but thats short for the real name of the place- which I can't remember right now. It's a restaurant by day and a bar/ club by night. It's like any other American club I've ever been to- loud, hot, disco ball, jam packed with people... it's not a scene I enjoy. However, I did enjoy my time tonight- and I even danced some. My classmates are such lovely people to spend time with, and I'm glad I made the decision to stay out with them for several hours- despite being tired and having sore feet and not having money to drink anything more than water. I think we bonded more tonight, and it made me happy to get to know people on a different level. It was socially important.

Several people paid me high compliments tonight- mostly about how "fit" they think I am (fit = hot). These comments all made me feel very very good, of course, but I must be honest... I really truly found everyone beautiful tonight. It was great seeing people outside of their "blacks" and in cute dresses, heels, suits and ties. The men looked handsome. The girls looked beautiful. I chose to wear a strapless black dress with white accent on top and a buckly around the rib cage, along with my red Steve Madden heels. (the English dont know Steve Madden OR BCBG- can you believe it??!?). My eys were neutral and my lips were red. Very red. *smile* Loved the excuse to dress up and can't remember when the time before this last was.

People also consistantly told me how I'm a Disney princess- Belle come to life from her animated form, soft spoken.... what else? I present myself very well... *UGH UGH UGH!* *BLAH BLAH BLECK* I have decided- I HATE being refered to as a Disney princess. I used to take so much pleasure and pride in it, but I now want this school to "beat it out of me," because I want to have immense depth and be in film and tv. However, if I MUST be a Disney princess in some eyes, I am v. happy to be Belle.

Kelly and I left the club together about an hour ago. Our feet were in SO much pain from these high heels all night that she took hers off the moment we stepped outside. Eveny without her shoes on, she still hobbling! And I wasnt far behind w that! To think I used to wear heels every day- all day- of my Los Angeles life... and now I can't bear a few hours....! I'll have to build up my tollerance again.

I'm falling asleep as I type. No joke. I keep dozing and catching myself and I'm uncertain that any of this even makes sense anymore. It will be a great feat to walk into the loo to take the makeup off my face and brush my teeth.

SO MUCH WORK TO BE DONE TOMORROW! I'm off to bed.

Good night, dear readers. Sleep well!

With Love,
Juliana